Abjection
I searched for your name, and what came up was your name + obituary. A reminder that everything has a point of view, an introduction to the apparatus. The chill of the inanimate. Eye stinging and flushed in fractions of a second. At least I know you are alive, even if I don’t know you. There are many who know. To live against blithely insensitive things. Callous from the friction and still glittering. Either too fast or too smart to care, just smart enough not to care. When smart is a synonym for sharp or rote. Incidental cruelty always the supplanter of grace. This has been a theme. Warm breezes on the day of diagnosis.
What is invisible under the water line, or the ether of the horizon. Those who don’t believe in the subtleties of a large quiet man, in forest languages.
That we have to live with percentages, with the incomplete. All the teacher talk about growth mindset. I’ve taught children to order fractions with candy bars when they seemed scared of the word itself, like fraught, like fractured. Do you want 1/8th or ½ of the chocolate? Oh ½ please, the closest I can get to a whole. Context as what it feels and tastes like. Loss mindset. If you’ve never cried over a lost $200. If you’ve never been afraid to ask for help.
She said it was so nice of the district to provide the deaf children bussing during this financial crisis. These are the signs. What well-meaning skirts and misses. We won’t start until the door closes. The swallow and Thumbelina waiting under the cold, hard ground for spring and flight. Cold mud dowry. I won’t forget you. May all of the you’s be singular and plural.
At this new school, let me tell you, the children who talk with their hands are asked to sit with hands folded on their desks. The children who sign are asked to walk with their hands folded behind their backs, like the rest of the students. Everywhere I see the folded wings of golden birds.
I searched for your name, and what came up was your name + obituary. A reminder that everything has a point of view, an introduction to the apparatus. The chill of the inanimate. Eye stinging and flushed in fractions of a second. At least I know you are alive, even if I don’t know you. There are many who know. To live against blithely insensitive things. Callous from the friction and still glittering. Either too fast or too smart to care, just smart enough not to care. When smart is a synonym for sharp or rote. Incidental cruelty always the supplanter of grace. This has been a theme. Warm breezes on the day of diagnosis.
What is invisible under the water line, or the ether of the horizon. Those who don’t believe in the subtleties of a large quiet man, in forest languages.
That we have to live with percentages, with the incomplete. All the teacher talk about growth mindset. I’ve taught children to order fractions with candy bars when they seemed scared of the word itself, like fraught, like fractured. Do you want 1/8th or ½ of the chocolate? Oh ½ please, the closest I can get to a whole. Context as what it feels and tastes like. Loss mindset. If you’ve never cried over a lost $200. If you’ve never been afraid to ask for help.
She said it was so nice of the district to provide the deaf children bussing during this financial crisis. These are the signs. What well-meaning skirts and misses. We won’t start until the door closes. The swallow and Thumbelina waiting under the cold, hard ground for spring and flight. Cold mud dowry. I won’t forget you. May all of the you’s be singular and plural.
At this new school, let me tell you, the children who talk with their hands are asked to sit with hands folded on their desks. The children who sign are asked to walk with their hands folded behind their backs, like the rest of the students. Everywhere I see the folded wings of golden birds.