The Tunnel’s Vision
I tried to hold you in the half light of the tunnel
But you went toward the other end
To make a diss track
To rail against the establishment
To enter into the establishment
You went into the tunnel
You went so far I could not see you
You went toward those armored clouds so pale
You went toward them which meant we could not hear each other
It was like my first kiss in that it disappeared in daylight
It happened in the tunnel
Where people get lost and turned into things
The stink of paint and dirt on our skin
I stood there painting a space for these words
But when there is no reversal of time as much as I want it
Footsteps coming backwards like dream water
That twisted VHS sound
The tunnel can write a narrative that really captures this longing
The agony that wants to forget class
The agony that wants to forget race
The agony that wants to forget gender
The agony that unsees spillage
Through the windshield full of bullet holes you can see the people running
That sudden transparency is a kind of seizure
Trembling the camera
Against forgetfulness
What coheres is not muscular strength
But holding the parts that threaten to come leaking out
Embracing the leak
Telling the beloved that you are ok even if you are not
So that they will not come after you
A wind through the tunnel haunts our body
It’s full of secrets and horror
No safety here
But I did try to hold you this way
In the din of the world’s failures
To hold you it was necessary to fight
To use a free hand
To throw the remains of our long hair around
It is unseemly to dwell on a narrative of betrayal
We draw intricate maps of analysis
Making them beautiful but not so beautiful
That one could lose sight of the fighting it took
To be here
To continue to be here
This side of the tunnel
Which, unblinking, forgets us
At night when it is impossible to see
We whistle coded songs to relay some thoughts for tomorrow
To get through the night
The starless light where information rustles away from us
That continuing
I tried to hold you in the half light of the tunnel
But you went toward the other end
To make a diss track
To rail against the establishment
To enter into the establishment
You went into the tunnel
You went so far I could not see you
You went toward those armored clouds so pale
You went toward them which meant we could not hear each other
It was like my first kiss in that it disappeared in daylight
It happened in the tunnel
Where people get lost and turned into things
The stink of paint and dirt on our skin
I stood there painting a space for these words
But when there is no reversal of time as much as I want it
Footsteps coming backwards like dream water
That twisted VHS sound
The tunnel can write a narrative that really captures this longing
The agony that wants to forget class
The agony that wants to forget race
The agony that wants to forget gender
The agony that unsees spillage
Through the windshield full of bullet holes you can see the people running
That sudden transparency is a kind of seizure
Trembling the camera
Against forgetfulness
What coheres is not muscular strength
But holding the parts that threaten to come leaking out
Embracing the leak
Telling the beloved that you are ok even if you are not
So that they will not come after you
A wind through the tunnel haunts our body
It’s full of secrets and horror
No safety here
But I did try to hold you this way
In the din of the world’s failures
To hold you it was necessary to fight
To use a free hand
To throw the remains of our long hair around
It is unseemly to dwell on a narrative of betrayal
We draw intricate maps of analysis
Making them beautiful but not so beautiful
That one could lose sight of the fighting it took
To be here
To continue to be here
This side of the tunnel
Which, unblinking, forgets us
At night when it is impossible to see
We whistle coded songs to relay some thoughts for tomorrow
To get through the night
The starless light where information rustles away from us
That continuing